Body Safety Tips and Why Body Safety is Important
April is both Child Abuse Awareness Month and Sexual Assault Awareness Month - and I don’t think that is a coincidence.
For many of us, we can remember times throughout our childhood where we were told to hug someone or give someone a kiss or sit on someone’s lap, even when those directions didn’t feel good inside our bodies. Maybe we couldn’t put our finger on why we never wanted to do those things with those specific people. Maybe the adults in our lives didn’t pick up on our discomfort. Or maybe we tried to say no, but the adults we trusted brushed us off and encouraged us to give that physical touch anyways.
Most of the time, these little moments of physical touch stayed just that, and we were able to move on with our little lives. But sometimes and for some of us, those little moments turned into something that might continue to haunt us to this day.
While these types of encouragements from parents has been the norm for many years, we don’t have to repeat these patterns with our own kids! Below are four tips for how you can break this cycle and create intrinsic safety within our kids.
Tip 1: Use correct names for body parts
Using the scientific name for body parts is one of the best ways to help your kid stay safe. There is nothing more confusing to kids and adults than a million different nicknames for genital body parts. Empower your kids by using age appropriate, correct names when discussing yours and their parts - because you know they’re going ask about them!
Pro Tip: It can also be helpful to talk about all the different names for both female and male presenting body parts. If an adult in your child’s life mentions something to your kid about their “cookie” and your child doesn’t know this is a private part, they could end up in a situation they aren’t sure how to handle. But if they know this term, they might feel empowered in the moment to tell that adult their labia or vagina are not something to discuss with or show to others and that would help throw that adult off.
Tip 2: Teach that private parts are private
Kids can be so curious about their body and others’ bodies! It’s a natural part of growing up, and nothing to be shamed. They should be allowed to explore their own body in the comfort of their own room.
However, it is important to remind kids their private parts are private for them and them only - other kids, friends, teachers, or even trusted adults outside of parents do not need to see, touch, or ask about their parts.
Tip 3: Reinforce “You can always tell me anything”
Kids have questions. They also tend to have access to electronics that can answer their questions. If they don’t have access, a friend of theirs does. We have to be an open ear for any and all questions kids have about bodies - even if we don’t know the answer or feel uncomfortable by the question/topic. The easier your kid feels it is to talk to you, the more they will talk to you and the less they will learn more than they are ready for from the internet.
Tip 4: Use consent early!
Consent conversations do not have to strictly be about sex/touch. Most questions that could be answered with a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ are examples of consent. Model verbal consent with your kids everyday by thanking them for giving consent or denying consent when they’ve said yes or no to something. For example: “Do you want burgers for dinner? (child answers yes) Thank you for answering with clear consent, I’ll get started on those now.” Model physical consent by not forcing physical touch or stopping touch (such as tickling) when your child gives verbal or nonverbal cues to wanting that touch to stop.
Pro Tip: Use language to point out their non-verbal cues too! Point out any facial expressions (i.e. “Oh, that frown tells me you’re not enjoying this activity, would you like to change what we are doing?”) or body language cues (i.e. “I see you are leaning away from me as I try to hug you, I will respect your personal space by offering a high five instead.”) that tell you they don’t want something. Putting language to these nonverbal cues will help your child recognize them both within themselves, and in others so they can also learn when to stop doing something someone else is silently wanting to stop.
